


Memories of Home

by IdrisSmith



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Clara x Psi, F/M, Psi x Clara, Psiwald
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisSmith/pseuds/IdrisSmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Restoring his memory was what he wanted, but, it had to take a lot of courage. Who he was – that was a question he needed an answer to. And finding the answer he longed for was probably not a bad idea after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories of Home

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to find a Psi/Clara fic and couldn't find any... I kinda just wrote this for my own amusement.

He breathed deeply, staring at the object he was willing to sacrifice his life to obtain. It was meaningless to many, but, everything to him. Still, he hesitated, pondering over the right course of action. He could have been a terrible man, perhaps even the authority never had the complete file of the horrors he had inflicted. He wondered whether it was a good idea to remember. But, he couldn’t be that bad, could he? Could he bad been a monster? Who was he before he was Psi?

He recalled the nights he spent lying awake trying to picture the faces of the people who had loved him. The people he, supposed, must have loved back. Why would he have deleted them if he had not cared for them at all? His name, his full name, and the person he was before his memory was lost to him. Was there still someone waiting for him? It was exciting and terrifying, the thought of someone actually still waiting for his return.

He, sometimes, imagined a house, a dog and two elderly couple. He probably had his father’s cheek, his mother’s eyes or maybe lips. He wondered who they were. Did they ever miss him? It was always funny how he was missing them without knowing who they were. It was funny how one can miss someone one cannot remember. And the most important question was – was there someone else waiting for him other than his family?

It was stupid; really, the thought never crossed his mind before he met her. Clara Oswald; human. She puzzled him; it was as if he had seen her before, in a different life. His heart leaped out of his chest at the thought of her being lost. Why was he terrified of losing her? Who was she to him? Did she remind him of someone? He wondered who that lovely woman was, the one that Clara reminded him of. Was she still waiting?

“You have to use that thing some time,” An acquaintance told him boringly. 

Her curls bounced around her face. She was quite beautiful, but, the very definition of trouble. Her mischief hid behind her smiles and though he liked to see that, he rather thought that, he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her flirtatious nature.

“Date night?” He asked, noting her choice of clothing.

“A lady never divulged her secrets,” She said easily, placing her long index finger on her lip, winking as she did so.

Well, date night then.

He reached for the item, balancing it on the palm of his hand. He wanted to know, but, at the same time, he didn’t want to. It was not so much that his possible past monstrosity that troubled him, it was the fact that if he remembered and found out there was nothing to go back to... Well, it would crush him. He had spent too long, much too long, hoping and wondering to be greeted with emptiness.

“You’ll never know until you plug and play,” His acquaintance said easily, “Sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith,”

“What if there is nothing?” He asked, not looking away from the device, “What if I remember and there was nothing?”

He hated sounding so broken, but, it had been weeks since The Doctor and Clara had dropped him back at his so-called him and with each passing day, he hesitated more. Did he really want to remember?

“What if there is something?” The woman asked, leaning into the table, “You’ll never know until you try,”

He sighed. He wanted to know.

“You never told me,” He said, “Why did you trust me from the beginning even when I can’t remember who I was?”

She smiled. The kind of smile he was sure was hiding a number of secrets. He wondered what it was that she knew and was not telling him. How much of him did she know? Perhaps he could just ask her? No. He knew better, she would not answer any of his questions, at least not about his past or future, or anything really. Often time, she would simply told him; ‘spoilers’, wink and went on her way.

He really hated that word. 

“I know, I know, spoilers,” He decided not to press his luck. Not with a woman who knew her way around every weapon known to the universe. 

Her posture softened, “I’ll tell you one thing,” she said, “You’d want to know,”

She patted his shoulder lightly; grabbing the packet he had prepared for her and went on her merry way without another word. He never asked where she went when she was gone. She was a mystery he didn’t need solving, his mystery had always taken a bigger importance in life. 

And he connected the device to his hard drive. He had to know.

\--

He remembered laughter and smiles, birthday cakes and scrapped knees, graduations and family dinners. He also remembered first meetings, first kiss and the goodbyes, and he remembered a last look. 

\--

It took him a few months before he managed to get the transportation to get to the other part of the galaxy. He had practically sold everything he owned just to make the trip, with a little luck, made a bit to survive if nothing was waiting for him. He had a number tucked away in his pocket which, he knew would be useful if needed be.

His steps were slow and hesitant. His worries echo through the clicking of the heels of his shoes. Four years. It had been four years since he had been home and he had to take a moment to take in the view of the small house, tucked away from the vast city where his transport had landed.

The place looked well-kept, modeled after an old earth home and he knew it. He knew because he had helped designed the house not long ago and he had been so happy to see her smile when he unveiled the place to her. It had been worth it, her smile had made all his hard work felt like a breeze. 

“I love it!” She exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and pulling him closer to her.

He had savoured that moment. He had inhaled deeply, he remembered thanking God that he had her by his side. She was beautiful, so beautiful and so wise. When he had met her, she had already met him. 

“Once, in your future and you were very brave,” She told him cryptically and he was curious as to the time and place.

He tried bribing her; he had tried everything he could think of to make her tell him. He had even tickled her sole – the most sensitive part of her and yet she was not giving him.

“You’ll find out when the time is right,” She said with a smile, “And then you’ll come home and kiss me – ” 

He had cut her words off with a kiss.

“Yeah, just like that,” She said, grinning.

\--

His name was Oliver. Oliver Psillis and he was not always a hacker. At least his memory told him he was not. He was just an ordinary guy who worked with the biggest multimedia company and spent most of his work hours stuck behind a desk or fixing a computer. In short, he was the IT guy. One mistake, he found a hole in the system and his crusade to right the wrong landed him where he shouldn’t be.

It had been too long; the first thing he did when he regained his memory was searched for his friends and family. The second, well, he had looked up what had happened to the company. He found out about its downfall and a name popped up that made him smile. Of course, she knew him. That was why she trusted him even when he wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

“All things have its time and place,” The woman had told him during their last meeting.

Her hair was wild as ever and she was wearing a dark look, a strange occurrence. He didn’t ask – it wasn’t his place. She had provided him what he needed without even asking him anything. It was like she knew, of course she knew. She was a time traveler. He wondered why he didn’t see it sooner.

\--

He swallowed, brushing the non-existent dirt off of his clothes that he had specially bought for the occasion for the nth time before he finally pressed the doorbell. Even then, he felt like bolting. He wasn’t sure if he was welcome, he wasn’t sure if she was still waiting. Perhaps she had moved on, perhaps she was happier and he was simply intruding in on her life. But, she was still in the old house.

She was still in their house.

“Just a minute,” A voice came from with the house.

He heard shuffling and a click of the door lock turning. And all he could do was stand stupidly as the door opened and revealed the face he didn’t know he had missed until he saw it. 

He missed her.

“Clara...” He breathed her name.

And she smiled. A genuine smile.

“Come on in,” She said, stepping inside so that he could come into the house.

And he did, taking in the interior of the house as he did so. It was designed beautifully with rows of books greeting him as soon as he made it further into the house.

Ah.

He remembered she was a big reader. She would read anything she could get her hands on, sometimes, even one of those ridiculous romantic novels between two different species that made very little sense to him. She was stuck in this time; the rules of her not suppose to know a number of things didn’t seem to be all that important anymore.

“Mama!” A child, no older than four ran into the room, excitedly holding a sippy cup.

His eyes widened, taking in the child’s feature. It had bee a while, but, he’d recognize his little girl anywhere. He reminded himself to breathe and to take it easy. That he might have remembered everything, but, the little girl might have not remembered him at all. She was just a baby after all.

He watched Clara kneeled, smoothing the little girl’s shirt before kissing both of the child’s pink cheeks. 

“Alright, give me a minute sweetheart,” She said easily to child before turning to him, “Let’s go to the kitchen, princess here is impossible unless we fulfill her wishes,”

He nodded dumbly, following her footsteps after she took the little girl’s hand and guide her into the spacious kitchen.

“I still can’t cook a turkey,” She told him as she placed the child in a seat designed for children, “I would ask The Doctor, but, I think one turkey cooked in a time vortex is enough for a lifetime, right?”

Again, he nodded, taking in the whole thing.

“You can sit next to her, she doesn’t bite,” She told him, pointing at a chair next to the very excited child.

And he did as he was told; staring in awe at how much a child could grow. He had missed a lot, too much in fact.

“I recorded everything, it’d be like you didn’t miss anything,” She said, reading his thought.

How did she do that? Could she read minds? He didn’t remember her reading minds.

“No, I don’t read minds, I just got good at reading you,” She smiled, filling up the sippy cup with a purple drink. 

She was, he remembered she was very good at reading his mood. She knew he was going to ask her out as he stuttered his words. She was new then, stuck on a world and in time that she did not belong to. Yet, she wasn’t unhappy, not completely. She would later tell him that she missed her father sometimes. Her grandmother had died before the trip that got her stuck on his world, in his time.

“First time you met me, I was there,” He blurted, “You were wearing that pants and suit,”

She smiled, “How was The Doctor?”

“Difficult, as you know him,” He tried to speak easily; it was hard when he was overwhelmed.

“Wouldn’t be The Doctor if he wasn’t,” She grinned, “Welcome home,”

He was home, he was finally home and he was looking at the woman he had loved with all his heart. She was standing before him and she was smiling. He couldn’t be happier, even when he was regretful of the long separation. He supposed it had to happen and it didn’t felt all that wasteful because at the end, he found his way home.

“Home,” He smiled, “Sorry that I was gone for so long,”


End file.
